Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
