my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
