You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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