How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
