We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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