that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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