I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
