I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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