Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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