fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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