You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
