Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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