You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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