I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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