they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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