I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
