When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
