remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize