Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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