i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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