my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
