i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
