I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Someone shit on the floor
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
