I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
