if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
