I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
