do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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