my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
