dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
