sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
