Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
