I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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