i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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