At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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