an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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