The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
