So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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