all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
