Whod you bang
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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