he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
