Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He shit in the fireplace
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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