Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
