I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
