i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
