This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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