i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
