I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
