Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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