Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
