I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
