I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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