I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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