How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
