she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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