she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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