How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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