Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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