He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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