the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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