i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
