all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
