never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
