I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
