I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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