Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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